letting go is hard to do..

it's been lovely, winter break of '09. but tomorrow, i have to get back on the grind. the gay grind. i really don't wanna go back to school. '09 was really good to me so far. coming home at 3 or 4 in the morning. city stops and club hoppin. hangin with the most random people. rekindling old friendships. driving an hour away to "party" or just chill. this is what i need. i wish my whole life was winter break. lol i know, i be buggin yo. i can't help it. i had the time of my life this past month. now i gotta get back to reality. wake up at 7am instead of 2pm. class then straight to work. 8am - 6pm. 5 days a fckn week. so i'm never really free until after 6pm. which technically is my gym or study time. so therefore, i never have free time. i know, this is rediculous. i really will have no time for nobody and it sucks. i don't know what i'm going to do. i guess occasionally i can do a dinner date.. but i DOUBT that. hopefully this first week is stress free. i need to ease my way in this new schedule slowly. i didn't even buy books for classes. nor do i have notebooks. wow, i am a bum. i should even start packin right? lol i have to get up at 7am tomorrow. i'm still at home in bridgewater. i'm driving straight to class in the morning. i thought maybe the longer i stay home, the further away the thought of school is. which is kinda true. but now my ass gotta wake up half an hour earlier. gahh! someone save me.

so it's 3am..

and why am i up? you see, i never thought i would get to this point. most nights, i'm all good. single life is real good. but i know it's not always that way. it sucks when all your friends are in a relationship and enjoying it. when it comes to me, i'm always the one that's always single. you know in a group of friends, there's always that designated single one. i'm that girl. and i am very fine being her. but being single gets tiring sometimes. SOMETIMES.. i'm not sayin it's always like that. the worst part is at night though. when you can't call a girlfriend because she's on the phone with her guy. when your laying in bed trying to fall asleep, but can't. who can you call? who's there to say good night to you? i guess i kinda want a part time boyfriend. or a designated phone buddy. i know it sounds type whack, but i'm sure single people understand. i just want someone to talk to. someone who i'm compatible with. someone kinda like me in a guy version. lol blahh i'm just rambling. goodnight.

It's time for a change..

and for those who know me, you all know i have this thing with my hair where i constantly need to change it. whether it's the style or the color, within 2 - 4 months, it's something new. i change my hair like i change my clothes. my mom says i'm gonna end up bald in a couple of years. i guess i feel that with my hair, i feel that i can control it. life on the other hand, is something that just happens and you can't steer the wheel in just any direction. i mean, i guess your decisions in life do have some type of control to where your life is headed, but other than that, you are nothing but a little kid in a candy store. you just have no idea what to do with yourself cuz you're given so many options, but don't know which to choose.. i have no idea where i'm headed with this entry, but it's 3 in the morning and i feel like writing.

so far in the new year, i've been pretty damn good. especially with keepin my resolutions. i've been exercising and running every (week)day. i eat less. i haven't been in any type of relation. and i've been havin the time of my life going out and having fun with the ones i love. my whole smokin issue is gettin better though. i'm tryin to cut down now, although i don't do much. it's more like a social and stress thing. still, i know, it's not a good reason. but it'll eventually die out. i go through these weird smoking phases. ever since i was in highschool. but whatevahh.

there's a little less than 2 weeks until i'm back at school.. stressin out about fuckin nursing. hate that shit, yo. but i gotta do what i gotta do. this spring semester, i go to school and work every single fucking day. i will not have a life. so i def need to get ready for that. i might cry the first few days but i'll live. you all know how it is.