happy mother's day!

happy mother's day to all the woman who brought up crazy kids like me. lol. shoutout to my mama and lola. i love you <3

so yesterday was joe & steffi's wedding. it made me cry. they're the first of the bunch to get married. the father/daughter dance really got to me, esp cuz it was to "butterfly kisses." the infamous father/daughter song. i can only imagine how me and my dad will be on my big day. if ever. sometimes i don't believe that it will ever happen for me. how does someone really want to stay with me for the rest of his lifetime? that's crazy. i'm difficult to be with. i'm complicated. but i wish atleast someone would put up with my shit. i've been good with keepin my promise for this year. i was reckless last semester and thank god i'm over that. but i'm so over looking for mr. right and being with mr. BEYOND wrong for the millionth time.

these past few months with him have been difficult. we both basically decided to hide our status from everyone because we thought it would've been better for us, so no one would judge us. not that they had a reason to, but it's what we decided. i fell for him hard and fast. i rushed in it too fast. i guess cuz i took my last relationship real nice and slow and that obviously didn't work, maybe speeding up the process would? i don't know. i am so stupid. he, just like every other guy, played me out. fucked me over. the only reason why he wanted to keep it on the low was cuz i was "the other girl." i played that part once again. WHAT THE FUCK?! you are an asshole, son. fuck you. i am seriously done with looking and playing man hunt. but it's not fair. and i know life isn't fair, but why am i always the one just looking through the window at everyone else so happy with someone else? i see all my family and friends with someone they've been with for years, and my relationships never exceed past a few months. it's bullshit, but whatever. i'm just jealous.

summer's almost here. 2 more finals to go and i'm done. i'm done with everything..